What If You Had an Autistic Fairy Godmother?
Image description: a woman wearing a green dress and grey tunic is holding a sword and gazing up towards the sky. She has white skin, brown hair and brown eyes. Photo by Lance Reis on Unsplash
As a late diagnosed autistic I sometimes dream about how amazing it would be to have an Autistic Fairy Godmother to help support me in creating an autistic supportive and affirming life. Like many other late identified autistics, I also grew up with a lot of my core autistic needs going unmet. When we realize that we’re autistic or an AuDHDer later in life it can often feel overwhelming to navigate how to get our autistic needs met, how to tell the difference between autistic burnout and “regular” fatigue and how to deal with sensory trauma. Which is why connecting to an Ideal Protector such as an Autistic Fairy Godmother can be a supportive tool in our Autistic Toolbox.
Why is an Ideal Autistic Protector important?
For many of us late diagnosed autistics we didn’t receive the attuned care that we needed as autistic children. That could mean we didn’t feel safe to unmask, that our autistics needs (such as sensory needs or support during meltdowns) didn’t get met or perhaps that it didn’t feel safe to share our authentic selves with our caregivers. While there are many different types of Autistic Trauma, it’s important to know that what we didn’t receive is also trauma. Which is why it can be supportive now as an adult to meet the needs that your younger autistic self didn’t get met. Connecting to an ideal autistic protector is a way we can connect to receiving attuned autistic care.
What care would feel so loving to receive?
For many late diagnosed autistics we realize we’re autistic due to what I like to call an Autistic Emergency-such as severe autistic burnout, constant meltdowns or perhaps just this feeling of “I can’t do this anymore.” This also means that many of us are spending a lot of our time and money trying to navigate our fatigue, recover from autistic burnout or shutdowns/meltdowns and advocate for our needs. Sometimes it can feel like we’re in charge of so many small and big details so we can experience autistic health and wellness.
Which is why it can feel so supportive to receive attuned care and support. Perhaps give yourself permission to dream out loud or write in a notebook:
If anything and everything were possible, what type of care and support would I like to receive? This could be in general or care & support you’d love to receive from an Autistic Fairy Godmother or Ideal Protector.
I really encourage you to get specific, you could include things like:
An environment that’s sensory safe for me.
Someone to tell me when I’m heading into autistic burnout.
The sweetest support and understanding when I’m post meltdown.
Celebration of my stims and special interest dumps!
What qualities would your Autistic Fairy Godmother have?
It might feel supportive to imagine the qualities that your Autistic Fairy Godmother or Ideal Autistic Protector would have. You might identify:
What physical, emotional and energetic qualities do they have?
What might your Autistic Fairy Godmother tell you?
How do you feel around them?
What would feel so supportive to receive from your Autistic Fairy Godmother?
Connect to your Autistic Fairy Godmother.
If visualizing is accessible to you it might feel supportive to visualize your Autistic Fairy Godmother or Ideal Autistic Protector. If it isn’t accessible you might journal or speak out loud. You might feel into things like:
Where are they in relationship to me? Are they next to me, in front of me, behind me?
What care do I receive from my Autistic Fairy Godmother? Perhaps it’s protection, nourishment, support or care. Or maybe all of these things.
What do I notice at the body level as I connect to my Autistic Fairy Godmother? You might get curious about any body sensations, body cues or even body impulses.
How can we receive attuned autistic care in our daily lives?
Connecting to your Autistic Fairy Godmother or Ideal Autistic Protector can be a supportive resource and a way to tend to your autistic inner kid’s unmet needs. If it feels supportive, I highly suggest connecting to your Autistic Fairy Godmother or Ideal Autistic Protector on a regular basis. It can also be supportive to focus on ways in which you can receive attuned autistic care and support. This could look like:
Working with an autistic affirming coach or therapist.
Connecting to loved ones and sharing your autistic needs. You might share a specific thing you’d love to receive and see if that feels doable for them. Example: “I really grew up feeling like it was unsafe to stim. Would you be open to celebrating my stims and sharing what you like about them?”
Connecting to the autistic community through social media, online newsletters or in person.
Autistic support groups.
Sometimes it can be really healing to “receive” autistic care through books stories, movies and songs. This can specifically be supportive if one of your unmet needs is feeling unseen or you carry internalized ableism.
I hope this post felt supportive and that you receive the attuned autistic care and support that you deserve!
Thank you for reading!
I hope this blog post was supportive!
The information contained in this blog post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. We expressly recommend that you seek advice from a professional familiar with your specific situation.
Your autistic healing matters.
I hope this blog post was helpful in your own autistic healing journey. I truly believe that us late diagnosed autistics deserve autistic affirming healing and I hope you have the best practitioners, tools and support for your own healing.
If you’re seeking autistic support and healing, I’d love to support you in my 5 month program The Autistic Mentorship. It includes:
An intensive intake session & healing document to identify your goals and developmental objectives that we’ll work on in our program together.
Three (75 minute) sessions a month.
Lots of support & education: think recap emails + personalized practices sent to your inbox, neurodivergent workbooks and resources and a bonus check in call to use when needed.
You can find out more about The Autistic Mentorship here.
Tiffany Landry is a queer autistic coach and trauma resolution practitioner. She works with queer and autistic clients in her program The Autistic Mentorship. Tiffany also writes a newsletter on Substack called The Queer Autistic Newsletter.