We Deserve Autistic Affirming Love Stories.
As a late diagnosed autistic human and autistic coach to lovely autistic humans one thing I know is this: us autistics deserve autistic affirming love stories. I want all autistic people to know that we are deeply lovable and that we deserve experiences, stories and representations of autistic love, romance and sex. It can be so healing to have a partner delight in our stims, to feel deeply seen as we read about an autistic protagonist fall in love and to have the tools to make sex sensory safe and delicious. But what if you’ve been masking your whole life, are carrying around heavy internalized ableism and have experienced your fair share of autistic trauma? You start with beautiful autistic love representation.
When I work with my autistic clients in my 6 month program The Autistic Mentorship we often work on making their relationship(s) autistic affirming, accessible and safe. I often invite my clients to engage in autistic affirming representation of romances, love and sex. As someone who has loved romance novels since I first stole one from under my mother’s bed, I love suggesting autistic romance novels as a way to soak up the autistic romance representation that you might desire!
Why should I read autistic romances?
Whether you’re a late identified autistic or were diagnosed in your childhood you probably received a lot of stories about autism that are rooted in ableism. Perhaps you’ve been masking your whole life and have a really hard time believing that a romantic partner will love your unmasked self. Or maybe your internalized ableism believes that you’re too autistic and disabled or maybe you just want to feel deeply seen in your romantic literature! Autistic affirming romances are helpful because they can allow us to feel deeply seen, to exclaim “hey, I’m like that too” and most importantly: to see other people love, adore and be attracted to amazing autistic characters. I firmly believe that us autistics need healthy and supportive autistic love representation-and romance novels are a fun way to get that!
Autistic Romances & Books:
Here are some of my favorite autistic romances and books on autistic love. Note: all of these authors are also autistic #autisticrepresentation
1.) The Kiss Quotient.
The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang is about an autistic woman Stella who hates french kissing (it reminds her of of “a shark getting it’s teeth cleaned by pilot fish” who decides to hire an escort to help her with her lack of dating experience. Check out the rest of the series for other autistic characters falling in love!
2.) Always Only You.
Always Only You by Chloe Liese is a fantastic love story between Frankie (an autistic woman who also has a chronic illness) and Ren who is a hockey star and works with Frankie. Read this one for the autistic representation and Ren’s thoughtfulness and caring towards Frankie. Check out the rest of the series which includes other autistic characters!
3.) Eight Kinky Nights: An f/f Chanukah romance.
Eight Kinky Nights by Xan West is a queer romance featuring two autistic queers. It also includes polyamorous, gray ace, pansexual, Jewish, fat, autistic, disabled, arthritis, PTSD and depression representation. While I’ve yet to read this one-it looks really good and has gotten excellent reviews!
4.) Love & Autism.
Love and Autism by Kay Kerr isn’t a romance novel but a book that interviews four different autistic adults on their experiences in love and relationships. I absolutely loved it!
5.) Act Your Age, Eve Brown.
Act Your Age, Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert is another recommended autistic romance and it features two autistic characters-yeah!
6.) Two Wrongs Make a Right.
This romance is another great book from Chloe Liese. It features the fake dating trope and one of the main characters is autistic and the other main character has anxiety. This book also features pansexual representation-yeah for both autistic and queer representation!
Happy reading!
I hope these romances fill your heart with the autistic romance representation that it’s longing for! For the purpose of this blog post I’ve only included books by autistic authors that I’ve personally read or seen recommended. However, there are many more autistic romances out there-including some promising queer romances that are on my to read list! If you’re not into reading I also suggest exploring social media for autistic relationship representation, exploring podcasts and checking out Hannah Gadsby’s comedy special Something Special (available on Netflix.)
Thank you for reading!
I hope this blog post was supportive. If you’d like to share a bit about your own experience with autistic burnout-please feel free to share in the comments.
The information contained in this blog post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. We expressly recommend that you seek advice from a professional familiar with your specific situation.
Your autistic healing matters.
I hope this blog post was helpful in your own autistic healing journey. I truly believe that us late diagnosed autistics deserve autistic affirming healing and I hope you have the best practitioners, tools and support for your own healing.
If you’re seeking autistic support and healing, I’d love to support you in my 5 month program The Autistic Mentorship. It includes:
An intensive intake session & healing document to identify your goals and developmental objectives that we’ll work on in our program together.
Three (75 minute) sessions a month.
Lots of support & education: think recap emails + personalized practices sent to your inbox, neurodivergent workbooks and resources and a bonus check in call to use when needed.
You can find out more about The Autistic Mentorship here.
Tiffany Landry is an autistic life coach and trauma resolution practitioner for queer & autistic clients. As a late diagnosed autistic she loves supporting autistic clients to create autistic supportive lives that just feel good.