When You’re Neurodivergent and Sleep is Hard.
Image description: Over a peach background there is a picture of a woman laying awake in bed. Above the picture is black text on a white background with the title: “when you’re neurodivergent and sleep is hard.” There is a purple box below the photo that says “read more” in white letters. At the bottom of the graphic is the website address www.tiffany-landry.com
Since moving to my house in the middle of the woods something kind of magical has been happening: I’ve started getting really excited about sleep. Like as I’m preparing for bed I think to myself “Oh my god, I’m so excited to sleep!” Now for context I’m someone who has struggled deeply with sleep issues a large portion of my life. I’ve experienced chronic insomnia that sometimes goes on for a year at a time, not being able to go to bed before 2am, sleeping 8 hours and still feeling so damn tired. I know deeply what it feels like to be so desperate for sleep that you feel like crying as well as just living life feeling extremely exhausted. So it is actually a really big thing for me to be feeling well rested, to have a consistent sleep schedule and to just not have insomnia.
An amazing thing about knowing that I’m an AuDHDer is being able to bring a neurodivergent lens to sleep. I often say that sometimes the miracle of realizing that we’re neurodivergent is being able to work with our neurodivergence and create a life that feels good, accessible and supportive. If you’re neurodivergent and you struggle with sleep-please know that you are in very good company! So many of us Autistics and ADHDers have sleep issues. In this blog post I’ll share a bit about sleep issues that impact neurodivergent folks and some doable ways you can get more sleep and rest.
Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and should not be seen as a substitute for mental health or medical care. If you’re struggling with insomnia or sleep issues please seek medical support.
But why is it so hard to sleep?
If you’re neurodivergent and struggling with sleep it might be helpful to know that there are very good reasons why neurodivergent children and adult struggle with sleep. In their amazing work “The Neurodivergent Sleep Guide” Dr. Megan Anna Neff of Neurodivergent Insights shares that some reasons that autistics and ADHDers struggle with sleep are:
Co-occurring conditions like anxiety, depression and gastrointestinal disorders can make sleeping challenging.
Sensory sensitivities can interfere with getting to sleep and the quality of sleep when you actually fall asleep.
Studies show that ADHDers and Autistics experience poor sleep quality which means we need more sleep to get the same level as rest.
Autistics tend to get less REM sleep. Studies have shown that Autistics spend on average about 15% of our sleep in REM sleep versus Allistics who spend on average 25% in REM sleep. This means that we need to get more sleep to get the same amount of REM as allistics.
Autistics people are more likely to experience insomnia. Research has shown that it takes Autistics 11 minutes longer than allistics to fall asleep.
Research has shown that an estimated 25-50% of ADHDers struggle with things like insomnia, restless leg syndrome, sleep disordered breathing, narcolepsy and Circadian rhythm sleep disorders. In the study “Relationship between subtypes and symptoms of ADHD, insomnia, and nightmares in connection with quality of life in children” researchers found that nightmares and insomnia are common among ADHD children.
If you’ve been struggling with sleep for a long time (or perhaps even your whole life), it might feel supportive to know that research backs up while sleep is so hard for neurodivergent folks.
For more information on why sleep can be so hard for Autistics and ADHDers, please head to the resources section down below for further reading.
Do you experience revenge bedtime procrastination?
When I was living in a noisy city I especially struggled with sleep because nighttime was my time to relax, be free of sensory and social demands and to tend to my needs and interests that didn’t get met during the day. Turns out I’m not alone and revenge bedtime procrastination is a very real thing.
Revenge bedtime procrastination is the idea of procrastinating bedtime as a way to get “revenge” from the busyness of the day. For Autistics and ADHDers the night is when we get alone time and can devote time to our special interests and things that bring us joy. Perhaps that’s spending time focusing on a special interest, doing things that you didn’t have time to do during the day or maybe like me you just need night time to be free of sensory and social demands.
Okay, I know why sleep is so hard. But am I just doomed?
Before we can work on improving our sleep I think it’s so helpful to understand the reasons of why we struggle with sleep. I highly encourage you to learn more about neurodivergence and sleep, as well as bringing a neurodivergent lens to your sleep struggles. Bringing a neurodivergent lens is helpful to both understand why we struggle with sleep but it’s also going to help us create a plan. Being well rested is so important and an essential part of our neurodivergent health. Let’s go over some doable ways you can begin to get more sleep and rest.
1.) Get to know your sleep cycle and patterns.
One of the best ways to begin to get more sleep is to get to know our sleep cycle and patterns. It’s so important to get to know your sleepless triggers, what might create a negative sleep spiral and how to get back on track. Think of it like being a sleep investigator, you’re getting curious about what happens before a negative sleep spiral, during and what you need to recover from it. You might answer the following questions:
Image description: Over a white background there was 4 circles with text written on them. The first circle has the title “my sleep spiral” and has arrows pointing to the other circles. The other circles describe 3 different days of a disrupted sleep routine. At the bottom of the graphic is the website www.tiffany-landry.com
What is my current sleep sleep like? You could include things like what time you tend to go to bed, how rested you feel when you get it, if you wake up during the night, if you’re experiencing insomnia.
What are my sleep triggers? Let’s face it, as neurodivergent folks we have a lot going against us and it can take us very little to get into a negative sleep cycle. So what are the triggers that throw off your sleep schedule? Perhaps that’s staying up too late with your special interests, a co-occurring health condition (such as anxiety or depression) or stress.
What about triggers that are outside factors? Perhaps that’s a noisy environment, a partner who snores, hormonal changes related to menstruating or social demands?
What happens after a trigger? Just like if you line up dominos one after another, what is the cause and affect of a specific sleep trigger?
Now that you’ve investigated your sleep triggers you’ll be able to work on creating a sleep reset protocol.
2.) Create a Sleep Reset Protocol.
Image description: Over a peach background there is a circle divided into four sections. The title written at the top of the graphic says “my sleep reset protocol.” On each circle is a graphic and the following text: “Push through my exhaustion and not take naps”, “talk to my medical provider about sleep aids”, “masturbate”, “move my body.” At the bottom of the graphic is the website www.tiffany-landry.com
Sleep struggles happen! You’ve might have experienced how a few nights of sleepless nights can quickly send you into what I call a Sleep Doom Cycle. So the kindest and most supportive thing we can do for ourselves is to create a Sleep Reset Protocol for when we’re having trouble sleeping and need a a sleep reset. Think of sleep resets as things that help you get your sleep back on track. Some examples might be:
Pushing through your day and not taking a nap.
Going to your medical provider and consulted with your doctor.
Getting up at the same time as you usually do even though you’re exhausted.
Doing something that you know supports you in feeling sleepy at night. For example: exercising during the day, masturbating or taking a hot shower before bed.
I highly suggest making a list of your sleep resets. It might feel supportive to write down a specific protocol for when you’re off your sleep schedule. You might write: “when I’m in a negative sleep spiral here are 1-3 things I will do to reset my sleep schedule….”
3.) Tend to your sleep hygiene.
What is sleep hygiene exactly? Sleep hygiene refers to habits to support you in getting a good night’s sleep. While sleep hygiene is important for everyone, it’s especially important for us neurodivergent folks! Think of sleep hygiene as ways you’re setting yourself up for sleep success! Here are some basic ways you might support your sleep hygiene:
1.) Disengage from tech a few hours before you plan to head to bed. You might even consider keeping technology (such as the TV and your phone) out of your bedroom entirely! Keeping my phone out of my room has been a huge way I’ve prioritized my sleep!
2.) Make your room sensory ideal for sleeping. Perhaps that’s investing in good black out curtains, soft lights or noise machines.
3.) Move your body regularly. This is the number one thing I do to support my sleep hygiene. I find that going for walks outside in the late afternoon help me sleep so soundly! Experts suggest avoiding exercising within 1 hour before bedtime.
4.) Go to bed and wake up at the same time.
5.) Avoid caffeine and naps after 2pm.
It might be supportive to explore 1-2 of these things and notice how they impact your ability to sleep and rest.
4.) Sensory Sleep Accommodations.
Image description: Over a background of a picture of a bed there is a white box with the title “What are some sensory sleeping accommodations?” There is black text next to a graphic of a check mark. The text reads: “Earplugs, Loops or a Sleep Headband”, “ a weighted blanket or plushie”, “sleeping alone”, “having the ideal temperature for you”, “using an eye mask or weighted eye pillow”, “sensory safe pillows and sheets.” At the bottom of the graphic is the website www.tiffany-landry.com
Something I like to remind my clients is: “you deserve to be sensory safe.” You deserve to be sensory safe in all areas of your life-including in your sleep! It’s going to be hard to fall and stay asleep if you’re experience sensory pain or discomfort. Here are some sensory sleep accommodations you might try out:
Wearing earplugs, Loops or a sleep headband.
A sound machine.
A weighted blanket or weighted plushie.
Wearing sensory safe pajamas (or alternatively sleeping in the nude.)
Mattress, pillow and sheets that are sensory comfortable to you.
Sleeping alone.
All dark room.
Making sure the room is at an ideal temperature for you. For example: perhaps in the summer you invest in a nice cooling fan.
Using an eye mask or weighted eye pillow.
Exploring if scents would be supportive. For example: perhaps you experiment with essential oils or scented lotion.
As you look through the above list it might be supportive to choose 1-2 things you could try and see if they feel supportive.
5.) Autistic burnout and sleep.
If you’re experiencing autistic burnout it’s incredibly important to get as much sleep as possible. But what if you’re in autistic burnout and you are struggling to sleep? Honestly, I’ve been there and it can feel so hard. What we want to do is approach both our autistic burnout and sleep issues with so much compassion and some doable steady steps. Here are some simple steps you might take:
Work on creating your own Rest Reset Protocol and begin to use your own specific protocol if you’re in a negative sleep cycle.
Explore 1-3 sensory accommodations and add them to your sleep routine. With autistic burnout we’re often extra sensitive to sensory information, so let’s make sure you have sensory safe sleep conditions.
Spread 5-15 minute rest breaks throughout your day. These don’t have to be break where you’re sleeping (although you could be) but are breaks for any type of restorative breaks. Some things you might do are: take a nap, watch a comfort show, stretch, lay on a heating pad or do a 5 minute meditation.
Reframe negative thoughts. It can be so common to feel desperate to sleep or to feel like you’re always going to feel this tired. If your thought is “I’m so exhausted and this will never change” perhaps you can then gently remind yourself: “this is so hard and it makes sense how I’m feeling” or “this is so hard and I know that I will eventually find my way back to a healthy sleep schedule.”
Bringing a neurodivergent lens to sleep can be so helpful.
If you had asked me years ago what my relationship to sleep was I would I shared that I both deeply loved to sleep and I frequently experienced a lot of sleep issues. Bringing a neurodivergent lens to my relationship to sleep has been so supportive and I hope it’s been supportive for you too. We can work with our neurodivergence and create healthy sleep habits with small doable steps. I encourage you to look through some of the above suggestions and pick 1-2 options. Then notice how this new habit or approach to sleep feels. When trying new ways of being I always suggest to also make space for celebrating what is working. Perhaps you notice that you’re able to go to sleep earlier when your phone isn’t in your room. Or maybe you realize that you’re sleeping so much better after making your bedroom a lot more sensory safe. All of these are such important things to notice and celebrate! I hope you’re able to experience easeful sleep and feel well rested.
Resourced consulted/cited + further reading:
The main resource that I consulted for this blog and have learned so much about neurodivergent sleep from was Dr. Megan Neff’s (of Neurodivergent Insights) incredible workbook “The Neurodivergent Sleep Guide.” I highly suggest purchasing this workbook.
I learned about the concept of revenge bedtime procrastination in this blog post by Neurodivergent Insights called “Sleep Hygiene for ADHD and Autism-8 Dependable Strategies.”
Here is the study on REM sleep percentage in autistic children.
“Sleep Problems in Autism, Explained” is another good blog post about the topic.
You can read about the study of sleep disorders in ADHD patients here and read about the study of insomnia and nightmares in ADHD children here.
Thank you for reading!
I hope you enjoyed this blog post! Please feel free to share your experience of unmasking in your sexuality & pleasure in the comments.
The information contained in this blog post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. We expressly recommend that you seek advice from a professional familiar with your specific situation.
Tiffany Landry is a queer autistic coach and trauma resolution practitioner. She works with queer and autistic clients in her programs Slow and The Autistic Mentorship. Tiffany also writes a newsletter on Substack called The Queer Autistic Newsletter.