How To Prioritize Autistic Joy and Pleasure.
Image description: A photo of a woman jumpig for joy in a field with wildflowers.
As an autistic life coach and queer autistic trauma resolution coach I get asked a lot about practical tips. Both clients and followers ask me anything from “how can I get out of autistic burnout” to “tips for dating as an autistic” and “meltdown recovery support.” The truth is that there are so many tips, advice and tools AND a huge tool I come back to again and again is prioritizing autistic joy and pleasure. Not in a bypassing the difficulty way but in a deep reverence and honoring of how important autistic joy and pleasure is way.
What is autistic joy and pleasure?
Autistic joy and pleasure is an intense happiness, excitement and joy from special interests, sensory experiences or anything that fills you with autistic joy and pleasure. But what do joy and pleasure actually mean? Joy is defined as “1.) the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation. 2.) a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated:” and pleasure if defined as “1.) the state or feeling of being pleased. 2.) enjoyment or satisfaction derived from what is to one's liking; gratification; delight.” (Dictionary.com) If you’re unsure how you might explore your autistic joy and pleasure you might ask yourself:
What gives me great delight?
What would feel even just 2% good, fun or exciting in my body?
What do you enjoy? What are things you love to do?
What are some examples of autistic pleasure and joy?
Stimming
Watching the same beloved show you’ve seen 10-50+ times.
Engaging in a special interest.
Stim dancing.
Chatting with a friend and feeling seen in your autistic self.
Self-pleasure and sex that’s accessible & honors your autistic needs.
Info dumping!
Wearing noise cancelling headphones.
Flapping your hands in excitement!
Seeing #actuallyautistic representation in the media.
Autistic funny memes.
Engaging in Autistic community spaces.
Expressing joy by flapping your hands, rocking, spinning or clapping your hands.
Why is autistic joy and pleasure important?
For many of us autistics we might have grown up hearing ableist messages (and then internalized these messages), we might experience stigma, discrimination, feel we have to mask our autistic traits or experience things like sensory overload, autistic burnout or meltdowns. Prioritizing our autistic joy and pleasure is a way of making space for what feels good, for giving ourselves permission to stim and engage in things that give us joy and pleasure.
Make Autistic Joy A Part Of Your Day.
As a late diagnosed autistic adult the best thing I’ve done is made autistic joy a part of my day. I find this specifically helpful when I’m experiencing autistic burnout, sensory overload or struggling with my mental health. I take 5-15 minutes 1-3 times a day and I have:
Special interests breaks. On special interest breaks you can spend 5-15 minutes (or more!) on your special interests. There have been numerous studies that show how engaging in special interests impacts well being and can reduce stress.
Stim breaks. On Stim breaks you can take 5-15 minutes (or more!) to stim in any way that feels good to you. I personally sometimes like to put on music and flap my hands to the music while rocking and/or jumping.
Autistic joy and pleasure breaks: these are 5-15 minutes (again or more!) breaks where you do anything that gives you autistic joy and pleasure. It’s important to note that you can do this even if you’re having a hard time accessing your joy and pleasure. You might start off by asking yourself: “what feels soothing?” “What would feel just good to experience right now?”
Autistic joy and pleasure is a way of showing up for our autistic selves.
It’s a way of reminding ourselves that we matter so damn much. That even when there’s difficulty, there’s also health, joy and pleasure. It’s not about bypassing the difficulty or pain but of showing up for ourselves. Of telling ourselves fiercely “my autistic joy and pleasure matter.” When the world sees our autism in terms of how we fail to meet neuronormative stands, it can be especially powerful to focus on our autistic joy and pleasure. I hope prioritizing your autistic joy and pleasure in small doable ways feels deeply supportive for you.
Thank you for reading!
I hope this blog post was supportive. If you’d like to share a bit about your own experience with autistic joy-please feel free to share in the comments.
The information contained in this blog post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. We expressly recommend that you seek advice from a professional familiar with your specific situation.
Tiffany Landry is a queer autistic coach and trauma resolution practitioner. She works with queer and autistic clients in her programs The Autistic Mentorship. Tiffany also writes a newsletter on Substack called The Queer Autistic Newsletter.