Image description: Over a purple background there are three white boxes with the titles “Identify your autistic needs”, “validate your autistic way of communicating” and “advocate for your communication needs.” Under each title are photos and text. The title of the graphic reads “3 Ways to Advocate for Your Autistic Communication Needs.”

Part of my unmasking journey as a late diagnosed autistic is realized all the ways in which I really struggle with communication and socializing. Something that I think happens a lot for high masking autistics is that our masks are so damn good that people have certain impressions of us that just aren’t true. In my autism assessment my neuropsychologist said “well, you obviously don’t struggle to communicate. It must be all of your coach trainings.” While he’s right that coach trainings are perfect for learning social scripts and studying human behavior, he was wrong about the fact that I don’t struggle. In communication with allistics, I struggle to understand non-literal language (such as jokes, sayings, sarcasm), small talk, knowing how to respond and my delayed verbal processing time. Which is why I started advocating for my communication needs because I was so confused and exhausted all of the time!

If you’re autistic, please know this: you deserve for communication to be accessible! We often hear about how autistics are deficient in communication but the reality is that autistics and neurotypicals just communicate differently. Part of making life accessible for your amazing autistic self is to advocate for your autistic communication needs. Advocating for your autistic communication needs is also important in making the relationships in your life more accessible, prevent misunderstandings caused my communication differences and more! Here are 3 ways you can begin to advocate for your autistic needs:

1.) Identify your autistic communication needs.

Image description: Over a watercolor background there is a list of tone indicators for use in texting.

The first step is to identify your autistic communication needs. What do you need to understand different types of communication? Is there a type of communication that isn’t accessible for you? Are there some tools that would make communication more accessible? Some things that some autistics find supportive are:

using AAC apps.
autistic communication cards.
tone indicators during texting.
texting instead of phone calls (or phone calls instead of texting!)
literal language aka people saying exactly what they mean.
asking people to pay attention to your words even if your tone/facial expressions look different.
using noise cancelling headphones.

Important reminder: you matter so damn much. Your autistic needs matter and you deserve for communication to be accessible.

2.) Affirm your autistic way of communicating.

You know how I shared that I really struggle with communicating ? Communicating with autistics feels like we’re speaking the same language and it just feels so easy. It can be helpful to affirm that your communication needs actually make so much sense! That make look like reframing things you’ve been shamed for and sharing the autistic affirming truth. For example: “I love how I communicate in such a literal way. It’s very logical and helpful that I always say exactly what I mean.”

If you have a neurodivergent affirming friend or loved one, you can ask them to celebrate your way of communication too! Sometimes it can be really supportive to be celebrated in how you communicate-especially if you experience internalized ableism and/or have been shamed by your communication in the past.

3.) Advocate for your communication needs.

To advocate for your autistic communication needs, I suggest:

Sharing what you struggle with and the impact. “I wanted to share with you that I really struggle with understanding sarcasm and jokes. It’s actually really confusing and it means I often don’t understand our conversations.” Note: when you share what you struggle with you can share you’re autistic or not. Up to you!
Share the accommodation or need you have. “I’d love it if we could use tone indicators while texting. That would be really helpful for me and make communicating with you accessible.”
Thank them and ask them if they have any communication needs that they would like to share with you! “Thank you so much for understanding and being supportive. Do you have any communication needs you’d like to share with me?”

Reminder: you deserve for communication to be accessible.

After advocating for my autistic communication needs I noticed that talking to my loved ones felt more accessible and just easier. I wasn’t so confused all the time and it felt so nice to not have to constantly ask “what does that mean?” or googling all the things. It also allowed me to begin to unmask in my communication even more-which felt really amazing. I hope this post was supportive and helps you advocate for your autistic communication needs.

Was this helpful? If you’re seeking more support I’d love to support you in my 6 month program The Autistic Mentorship. The Autistic Mentorship is a combination of autistic life coaching, autistic centered trauma resolution and steady support. Head here for more info.

Tiffany Landry is an autistic life coach and trauma resolution practitioner for queer & autistic clients. As a late diagnosed autistic she loves supporting autistic clients to create autistic supportive lives that just feel good.

The information contained in this blog post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. We expressly recommend that you seek advice from a professional familiar with your specific situation.

Your autistic healing matters.

I hope this blog post was helpful in your own autistic healing journey. I truly believe that us late diagnosed autistics deserve autistic affirming healing and I hope you have the best practitioners, tools and support for your own healing.

If you’re seeking autistic support and healing, I’d love to support you in my 5 month program The Autistic Mentorship. It includes:

An intensive intake session & healing document to identify your goals and developmental objectives that we’ll work on in our program together.
Three (75 minute) sessions a month.
Lots of support & education: think recap emails + personalized practices sent to your inbox, neurodivergent workbooks and resources and a bonus check in call to use when needed.

You can find out more about The Autistic Mentorship here.