5 Kind Things To Do For Yourself During Autistic Burnout.
Image description: There is a notebook open with the words “goal” inside a circle with an arrow pointing to the text “get out of autistic burnout” and another bigger arrow pointing to the text “treat my autistic burnt out self with so much care.” There are also drawings of a world globe and magnifier glass. The website www.tiffany-landry.com is printed at the bottom of the notebook.
Like many other late diagnosed autistics I found out that I was autistic due to getting into severe autistic burnout. I have so much compassion for my fellow late diagnosed autistics and AuDHDers who are processing a late diagnosis while also trying to support themselves in getting out of the autistic burnout trenches. Autistic burnout is hard and it can feel even harder when we don’t have the tools and support to help us in our autistic burnout recovery. While I’ve shared some of my favorite autistic burnout practical tools here, in this blog post I want to share 5 ways you can bring some autistic affirming care and kindness to your autistic burnout recovery. Autistic burnout is so challenging and we deserve to receive so much care, compassion and support-both from ourselves and from others.
Why is kindness and care an important part of autistic burnout recovery?
Something I like to think about is how autistic burnout actually makes so much sense when we consider that the majority of us went our whole lives having our autistic and AuDHDer needs go unmet. Which is why I believe that an autistic burnout recovery needs to include:
Practical support and tools so we can meet our autistic burnout needs now and also support ourselves in autistic burnout recovery.
Healing work so we can work on getting our needs met as autistic adults. That could include work like shame resolution, unpacking internalized ableism or trauma resolution-all things that can impact our ability to identify our needs and advocate for ourselves.
Creating an autistic affirming life. This is an important step so we stop the cycle of getting in and out of autistic burnout-as well as creating an autistic affirming life where we can truly thrive.
All of these steps have one thing in common: we are focusing on tending to our autistic needs and getting our unmet autistic needs met. We want to do this with so much care, compassion and autistic affirming goodness. Even when you’re in the fiery pits of Autistic Hell and feel like you’ll never be able to get out of autistic burnout. Without bypassing the difficulty, you still want to give yourself (and receive) so much care, compassion and autistic affirming goodness-because you and your autistic burnout deserve it. Here are 5 small and doable ways we can show ourselves care during autistic burnout.
1.) Validate your autistic burnout with so much care.
What would it look like to start off by validating that your autistic burnout actually makes so much sense? It might be helpful to think about all the ways in which your autistic needs went unmet, got ignored or weren’t validated. It might be supportive to take a pause and just say out loud “being in autistic burnout makes so much sense.”
Without bypassing how hard being in autistic burnout is, it might be supportive to notice what it feels like when you validate that your autistic burnout actually makes a lot of sense. Do you notice specific sensations in your body or emotions coming up? Perhaps make space for them and honor that those body sensations and emotions make so much sense too.
2.) What would be the most loving thing for your autistic burnt out self to receive?
Image description: Over a white grey background there is an image of a used piece of paper. On the paper is text written in cursive, it reads: “what’s the most loving thing my autistic burnt out self could receive?” The website www.tiffany-landry.com is printed at the bottom of the graphic.
It might feel supportive to journal, talk out loud or explore with a therapist or coach the following question: “what would be the most loving thing for my autistic burnt out self to receive?” It could be things like:
Support with daily tasks so I can conserve my spoons.
To give myself permission to do the bare minimum and for that to be okay.
To be held while I cry.
Daily sensory breaks.
Having prepared meals sent to my house so I can make sure I eat when I’m too fatigued to cook.
5-15 minutes a day engage with my special interest.
It might be supportive to make a list of loving things that your autistic burnt out self would like to receive and to put the list somewhere you’ll see it everyday. You could also choose 1-3 things a day to support yourself or to ask a loved one if they can support you in specific ways.
3.) Prioritize things that you know your autistic self loves.
When we’re deep in autistic burnout it can be so easy to forget about the things that give us autistic joy and delight. So even when you’re fatigued or having a really hard day, can you explore 1-2 things that give you autistic joy or ease. Some ways you might do that are:
Give yourself a 5 minute stim break aka 5 minutes where you do the stims of your choice.
Listen to a song that you know is soothing for yourself.
Re-watch that comfort show or re-read your favorite book.
Co-regulate with a pet, human or stuffed animal.
By prioritizing your autistic joy when you’re in autistic burnout you’re tending to your autistic self and showing that your autistic joy matters. It’s not about bypassing the pain or difficulty but by finding small doable ways to make sure you’re doing something that’s joyful, soothing or that delights you.
4.) Write a letter to your autistic burnout.
Image description: there is a graphic of an open notebook on top of a table. On the table is a paper clip, a cup of coffee and there are some doodles on the table. The notebook text reads: Dear Autistic Burnout, It makes so much sense that you’re here after a life time of having my autistic needs gone unmet. It’s so hard being in autistic burnout and I want to show up for my autistic burnout recovery with so much care and compassion.What do you need right now?” At the bottom of the notebook is the website www.tiffany-landry.com
What might it be like to write a letter to your autistic burnout? It could be a letter where you validate that being in burnout makes so much sense or it could be a more practical letter where you ask your autistic burnout what it needs.
While writing a letter to your autistic burnout could seem a little silly, it’s a way to connect to your autistic burnout with a lot of kindness and care. If you were sitting down and having coffee with your autistic burnout-what would you say? Perhaps you’d share your frustration that you’re in autistic burnout or maybe you’d share how sorry you are that your autistic needs went unmet for so long. If you’d like, you could also write a letter from your autistic burnout to you. What do you imagine that your autistic burnout would want to tell you? What are some needs it might share with you?
5.) I matter so damn much.
At the core of showing up for your autistic burnt out self with so much care and compassion is knowing how much you and your autistic needs matter. Are there small doable ways you can show yourself that you matter so much? Some ways we can show ourselves that we matter are:
Showing up for ourselves with so much compassion. That could look like telling yourself “I care about this” when you’re having a hard time or saying “it makes so much sense that I feel this way.
Identifying your autistic needs and advocating for them is a key part of knowing that you matter. Advocating for your autistic needs is a way of saying “I matter so much and I am worthy of having my autistic needs met.”
Autistic boundaries. Sometimes saying “no” or “I’m not going to do that because it’s disabling to me” is the most loving things we can do for ourselves. It’s a way of saying “I matter so much that I’m going to honor my needs.” Also: autistic boundaries is such an important tool for autistic burnout recovery!
I hated being in autistic burnout and it taught me so much.
I cycled in and out of autistic burnout for a few years and it truly was so hard. However, being in autistic burnout also taught me a lot about how to care for my autistic self and how to show up for myself with so much care, compassion and grace-even when I was so fatigued that showering felt as hard as a marathon. I learned how to advocate for my autistic self, to honor my autistic boundaries and to prioritize my sensory safety.
I hope that showing up for your autistic burnt out self with so much care and compassion will feel supportive in your own autistic burnout recovery journey. If you’d like more support and education on autistic burnout you can check out The Autistic Burnout Recovery Guide-a 52 page fillable workbook with education, practices and worksheets.
Thank you for reading!
I hope this blog post was supportive in your autistic burnout recovery journey. If you’d like to share a bit about your own experience with autistic burnout-please feel free to share in the comments.
The information contained in this blog post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. We expressly recommend that you seek advice from a professional familiar with your specific situation.
Your autistic healing matters.
I hope this blog post was helpful in your own autistic healing journey. I truly believe that us late diagnosed autistics deserve autistic affirming healing and I hope you have the best practitioners, tools and support for your own healing.
If you’re seeking autistic support and healing, I’d love to support you in my 5 month program The Autistic Mentorship. It includes:
An intensive intake session & healing document to identify your goals and developmental objectives that we’ll work on in our program together.
Three (75 minute) sessions a month.
Lots of support & education: think recap emails + personalized practices sent to your inbox, neurodivergent workbooks and resources and a bonus check in call to use when needed.
You can find out more about The Autistic Mentorship here.
Tiffany Landry is a queer autistic coach and trauma resolution practitioner. She works with queer and autistic clients in her program The Autistic Mentorship. Tiffany also writes a newsletter on Substack called The Queer Autistic Newsletter.