As an autistic coach and late diagnosed AuDHDer human I talk about how to identify and advocate for your sensory needs a LOT. Truth to be told sometimes I wonder if the topic is boring or if people are like “well duh, of course my sensory needs matter.” But then I remember how much my newly diagnosed autistic self very much did not know how to create sensory safety in my own life. As a newly diagnosed Autistic I felt so wobbly as I started to learn about my sensory profile, explored sensory tools and accommodations and slowly started to advocate for my sensory needs. To me the whole holy point of why I talk about sensory care and support is because I truly believe that we all deserve sensory safety and joy. When I work with my autistic clients my goal isn’t just for them to experience less sensory pain and trauma in their lives but to also experience sensory joy, pleasure and ease. In this blog post I’m going to share ways you can tend to your sensory safety and joy.

What is sensory safety?

Sensory safety is a way to describe the experiencing of feeling safe in our sensory experiences. That means that we’re sensory regulated, are in environments where we aren’t experiencing sensory trauma or sensory pain and are able to stay within our window of capacity. When we’re sensory regulated we’re:

• Able to stay focused.

• Feel emotional balanced.

• Get pleasure and joy from our sensory experiences.

• Feel comfortable in our sensory experiences.

• Our internal state of arousal matches our external level of stimulation.

Unfortunately many neurodivergent people had had their sensory experiences and needs invalidated. This can have the negative impacts of being in unsafe sensory situations, experiencing a lack of trust in our sensory experiences and body cues, invalidating our own sensory needs and not advocating for our sensory needs.

What is sensory joy?

Sensory joy is about experiencing joy through your senses. This could look like listening to a song on repeat, feeling joy as you stim, the blissful silence when you pop on your noise cancelling headphones or touching a delightful texture. Knowing what gives us sensory joy has a practical benefit too, often what gives us sensory joy can also be used as sensory soothers during challenging moments.

As a very sensory avoidant autistic it has been beautiful to see all the ways in which my sensitivity can also bring me a lot of joy. Perhaps that’s noticing how soothing and pleasurable music feels to me, delighting in a soft texture or that bliss of putting on noise cancelling headphones.

What are some things that give you sensory joy?

Get to know your sensory profile.

What’s the very first step in tending to your sensory safety and joy? It’s getting to know your sensory profile. That could look like:

1. Identifying if you tend to be sensory avoidant, sensory seeking or a combination.

2. Exploring your sensory triggers and soothers. What things feel sensory painful, cause you to head towards a meltdown or shutdown or just don’t feel good? What things feel sensory delightful and give you joy and delight?

3. What tools and accommodations create more sensory safety in your life?

You might think of the above work as creating a sensory map so you know where you’re starting from (your sensory profile) so you can identify the tools, accommodations and support that will allow you to have more sensory safety in your life.

Boundaries and sensory safety and joy.

I spent my first years after my autism diagnosis cycling in and out of autistic burnout and living with chronic sensory pain. Looking back I can see that because of sensory trauma I was spending a lot of my precious spoons focusing on keeping out (or reducing) sensory triggers and pain. Which made a lot of sense for what I was experience at the time! But it was equally important to also focus on sensory joy and my sensory soothers. Not as a way to bypass the sensory pain I was experiencing but as a form of letting in sensory goodness.

Our sensory boundaries include:

1. Saying no to things that cause us sensory pain or that diminish our sensory wellness and happiness.

2. Saying yes to things that give us sensory joy, ease and are sensory soothing.

A great way to cultivate rooted sensory boundaries is getting clarity on your sensory yes’s and no’s. What sensory boundaries support you in thriving in the areas of your sensory wellness?

2.) Create conditions of sensory safety and joy.

After getting to your know your sensory profile and needs it can be supportive to explore ways you can create conditions of safety and joy. I like to think of this step as creating a steady foundation for your sensory wellness, safety and joy.

Creating conditions of sensory safety is about three things:

1. Identifying the accommodations and tools you need to feel sensory safe. This could look like making sensory safe environments a priority, using sensory aids (for example: noise cancelling headphones or sunglasses) and limiting things that don’t feel sensory good to you whenever possible.

2. Honoring your sensory boundaries. For example: what are things that you aren’t willing to do because they are sensory painful? It might be helpful to create scripts for sharing your sensory boundaries or to practice with a friend.

3. Tend to your sensory needs in small doable ways. Tending to your sensory needs on a daily basis is an important part of your sensory health. I like to ask myself and my clients: “what’s the easiest way you can make your sensory wellness a part of your daily like?” This could look like taking sensory breaks throughout your day, being proactive about your sensory regulation and making time for sensory soothers.

Living in a sensory stressful world.

I still remember when my Autistic coach at the time told me that “an environment can make or break an autistic.” At the time I was deep in autistic burnout, experiencing a lot of sensory pain and hearing those words felt so validating. The reality is that we live in a loud and sensory unfriendly world for us Autistics and AuDHDers. This means that sometimes we can do all the “right” things and we might still experience sensory trauma, get sensory overloaded and experience meltdowns or shutdowns due to sensory triggers. To me part of sensory safety is having plans in place for when sensory painful or not ideal things happen. You might:

• Create a sensory emergency plan for when you get extremely sensory overloaded. Having a sensory emergency plan creates safety by giving you a very clear protocol of what to do when you’re in a sensory emergency.

• Use the Sensory Support Sandwich method where you’re going to be in sensory not ideal environments. It consists of sensory regulating and resourcing before the activity, using tools and accommodations during the activity/not ideal environment and finally recovering from the activity with sensory soothers and regulation.

• Exploring ways you can make an environment or activity even 2% more sensory accessible. Sometimes there are things that are not sensory ideal but that we have to go to-such as the dentist or perhaps a work event. It can be helpful to think about how you might make that environment 2% more accessible and supportive. Can you advocate for your needs? Use sensory aids? Bring a sensory soother?

What’s the sensory care you need?

When you first start learning about our sensory needs it can sometimes feel like there are so many tips and we don’t know where to begin. Something that has helped me during times of sensory stress and even sensory emergencies is to ask myself: “what’s the sensory care that I need?” Sometimes this looks like:

• Tuning into my body and noticing my body’s cues. Example: I feel really exhausted and know that I need a rest break.

• Using what I know about my sensory profile to name what would be most supportive. Example: I know that being on Zoom causes a lot of sensory fatigue for me so I’m going to make sure I rest or take a sensory break after the class.

• Talking to an Autistic friend or practitioner and having them reflect different types of support that might be helpful. Make sure to reach out to your neurodivergent trusted friends and practitioners if you’re feeling stuck!

• I also like to ask myself “what would be the most loving thing for my sensory needs right now?” I find that always leads me to the exact care that I’m needing at a given moment.

Sometimes the sensory care we need is something we can provide for ourselves which is great! Other times the sensory care we might need is for someone to help us out, to validate our sensory experiences or to just see and hear us as we share what we’re experiencing. As you receive sensory care it might be supportive to notice: “what does it feel like when I tend to my sensory needs?” and “what does it feel like to receive care and support from others?”

I hope this blog post was supportive in creating more sensory safety and joy in your life!

Resources consulted & further reading:

• Sensory Regulation 101 by Dr. Neff of Neurodivergent Insights

• Why Sensory Safety is a Key Part of Your Autistic Wellness

Thank you for reading!

I hope this blog post was supportive. If you’d like to share a bit about your own experience with sensory safety and joy-please feel free to share in the comments.

The information contained in this blog post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation. We expressly recommend that you seek advice from a professional familiar with your specific situation.

Your autistic healing matters.

I hope this blog post was helpful in your own autistic healing journey. I truly believe that us late diagnosed autistics deserve autistic affirming healing and I hope you have the best practitioners, tools and support for your own healing.

If you’re seeking autistic support and healing, I’d love to support you in my 5 month program The Autistic Mentorship. It includes:

1. An intensive intake session & healing document to identify your goals and developmental objectives that we’ll work on in our program together.

2. Three (75 minute) sessions a month.

3. Lots of support & education: think recap emails + personalized practices sent to your inbox, neurodivergent workbooks and resources and a bonus check in call to use when needed.

You can find out more about The Autistic Mentorship here.

Tiffany Landry is a queer autistic coach and trauma resolution practitioner. She works with queer and autistic clients in her programs The Intro Coaching Program and The Autistic Mentorship. Tiffany also writes a newsletter on Substack called The Queer Autistic Newsletter.